Absence makes the heart grow fonder.I can't help but to agree with this statement.

I dunno why,but every time when i don't see her,be it in person or online,i tend to feel a sense of loneliness and emptiness building in me.Yet,when i see her,i don't feel anything extraordinary at all.I don't feel elated nor excited at the sight of her.Just felt absolutely normal,myself,composed.The only times that i feel more attracted to her when we ever meet with each other is when i'm closer to her,emotionally (in my point of view,i always think too much,so i'm not so sure about this but oh well).I guess it might be lustre.

All along,when i'm sitting beside her or sort,i will have the burning urge to hold her hands and to tell her of my feelings deep inside me.However,as i have the urge to do so,the "what if" questions start to form in my mind.What if i really did so and all i get in return is absolute ignorance,before i had even mustered the courage to even do so?What if my nervous wrecks start to work up at that point of time,resulting in my failure to string proper words together,and hence not being able to convey my message clearly to her?What if this is just a wild fantasy of mine?What if?

Such thoughts churned in my mind constantly,thus making me drop the idea.Maybe i'm being paranoid.It's more of madness,in my opinion.Schizophrenic me.If only i can ever think straight right from the start.Schizophrenia,madness,depression.What more would i suffer?